The Night I Burned The Rice

Today my ex is moving out. I consider this day to be the beginning of the end. It is the start in a long process of changing addresses, bank appointments, custody and support agreements, and more. It is the end of a relationship past it's expiry date.

More than all of that though, today is the beginning of something new. A life on my own full of courage and strength, tears and lonely nights. What a mix of emotions this day brings! I am excited for this life change, but I'm bummed at what might have been. Tonight for the first time in many years I will be completely alone in the sense of not having a man around.

My heart is bruised and battered, as all the hurts from seven long years catch up to me. I'm amazed at how willingly we sometimes blind ourselves to our own pain, for the sake of the bigger picture.

As his stuff slowly disappears from my hallway, I feel renewed. With every box that goes I breathe a little bit easier.

On a side note, I was being very clever tonight and decided to throw an extra cup of rice in the pot to help myself out for a meal tomorrow. Apparently, rice cooks faster the more you add because it's all burnt! I'll forever remember this day by the night I burnt the rice.

A New Leaf of Many

Over the past two weeks, I have been taking a really hard look at my life. I see clutter, excess, and just plain mess all around me. I also haven't been eating healthy for a very long time. The more closely I examine these things the more I realize that they were there to fill several voids and stuff down emotions caused by an unhealthy relationship. I've been burying myself.

My ex has found a place of his own, and will be moving out within the next week. I'm ready to take my life back. I am in awe of the amount of stuff we have acquired over the past year, and over the past seven years. It is time to cleanse my apartment. In doing so, I will be cleansing my heart and mind.

All this time that I have been burying myself under unhealthy food and piles of stuff, I've unintentionally piled it on top of my children too. Gone are the days that I would bring out a large platter of fruits and vegetables for us to snack on before breakfast. Veggies with hummus for lunch? Yeah, try cookies followed with microwaved potatoes. I was blind to my life and the problems that my relationship was causing.

No more can I live like this. Today is a new beginning. While I slowly help pack up my ex's things I will also be packing up much of my previous life. This is only the start of several positive changes to come. I am a strong, capable, devoted Mother - no more excuses.

ME Before WE

Some time ago, I mentioned that I was neglecting my blog and that I would need to make some changes. The truth is, I just wasn't feeling it anymore. I had been uninspired for some time. But now I have news to share with you, and have found a direction at last. Maybe this is just what I needed, and in that way of thinking my announcement could be viewed as positive...

I have recently become a single Mother. By recently, I mean last week. And the man slumbers on the couch, with nowhere to go.

I am choosing to take this time of desperate seperation to heal. I have been carrying many wounds for many years. It is time to self-love in every sense of the word. I tend to bury myself beneath others and their needs. Wether you believe in it or not, I am a typical pisces. I shape myself to fit the expectations of others. No more. It is time to find myself under all of these layers that I have created.

In my journey of self-love and healing, I have picked up a book from my shelves that had been sitting here for a long time. I tried to read it once before, but felt as though it didn't apply to my life. I connect with Choosing Me before We by Christine Arylo now more than ever. At the end of each chaper she asks questions of the reader to answer. I won't describe the questions here without Christine Arylo's personal permission but I can reveal in part my own answers. Perhaps you can relate.

One of the things that I realized while reading the self reflection answers at the end of chapter one, is that I am not present within myself, for myself - and also for my children. For too long I have been consumed with fixing a dead relationship and trying to appeal to a man who was gone before he left. In this way, I have not been all that I can for my children.

Knowing this also reminds me that while I will give my children one hundred percent, I deserve the same treatment from myself. For as Christine Arylo puts it, "All our relationships begin with ME."

This is going to be a long journey full of creativity and fun. I can just feel it! No longer will I put off my aspirations for the sake of others. In ending one relationship I am beginning another - the one with myself. There is an entire person that needs to be explored. What better time to do so than right now?

Help Joaquin!

What follows will explain a little bit about the hard work that Cedar Row does, and Joaquin's story. For more of the story, click on the fundraising link below.

From the Cedar Row Farm Sanctuary Blog:

"We thought 2011 was a busy year for us at Cedar Row with the rescue of 32 sheep from The Ontario Vet College, and running between 2 farms, for 8 months, but 2012 has proven to be just as busy with many animals needing our help.

In 2012 we have welcomed 4 new farm pigs, 2 six day old goats, 45 ex- battery hens, 3 broiler hens and 2 wonderful turkeys.

We also fostered or helped find homes for, 5 pot bellied pigs, 8 ex- battery hens and 3 farm pigs including Rusty, an 800 lb pig. It wasn’t easy finding a home for Rusty due to his size but we were able to place him in a good home that he shares with a few sheep a goat and 2 pot bellied pigs.

Joaquin, one of our farm pigs that came to us in September was badly injured after being accidentally stepped on. He was left in a field for 2 days because they thought he was dead. He surprised everyone when he lifted his head, so it took 5 people to distract the mother and get him out. When he arrived here, he was unable to walk because the injury was right on his spine. After months of acupuncture and lots of TLC, Joaquin is now living with the rest of his friends.

Cedar Row welcomed 3 amazing speakers, with Rob Laidlaw of Zoocheck Canada speaking to visitors at our open house in June. Dr. Will Tuttle visiting us in August,and Dr. Melanie Joy in December. Dr. Joy is the author of Why We Love Dogs, Eat Pigs and Wear Cows. We also welcomed about 250 people to our annual open house in June.

On a personal note, the twins Patrick & Cicada turned 13 this year. Parents of teenagers…yikes! We lost Stephen Watson, a dear friend and supporter of Cedar Row this past summer as well.

We are continuing our work visits / vegan potlucks every month. We have between 15 – 25 people join us for a few hours of cleaning, and then we sit down to a wonderful vegan potluck together. It brings people together, and gives them a chance to interact with the animals and make new friends.

Cedar Row is very busy, trying to make a difference to both animals and people, by opening up our sanctuary and our space. We like people to interact with the animals so they can see why they shouldn’t eat them, or why they should continue to fight for them."

Cedar Row needs your help! The cement pad for Joaquin will cost from $10 000 to $11 000 and that leaves them $6000 short!  The muddy fields that Joaquin's friends love make it difficult for him to get around, because his legs aren't stable enough.

"We are installing a concrete pad at the front of the pasture where the animals come up to the fence. This area is muddy, and Joaquin’s legs aren’t stable enough for him to be able to get around. Concrete will allow little Joaquin to get around, so he can play, greet people, and get food."

Check out the fundraiser here: Accommodating Joaquin

While there are suggested amounts on this page, every bit helps! They are still a long ways off from their goal. Please share and get the word out, so that Joaquin can live a comfortable life with a family who loves him unconditionally.

A Leap of Faith

Unschooling may be an intimidating idea to most people. Unlike homeschooling, there are no set tasks. Learning is not controlled, but embraced in it's own time. "Trust them (the kids)," the unschooling guru's say. Some of you might think that this way of living is crazy. How can you let a child control their own education? Adults are responsible for making all of the decisions in a child's life, right? Well, maybe that works for some people. Perhaps there is a gentle balance. But all I know is this..

Three weeks ago, just a month after Christmas break, I pulled my two children out of school (Junior Kindergarten and Senior Kindergarten). I was geared up and ready to let them discover their interests, coast to "deschool" for a while, and have some seriously needed fun. The first couple of days all they wanted to do was watch carto...ons on the computer. This was completely fine by me, as I understood that it can take some time and I think we all felt a little bit lost at what we should do next.

Then I started trying to engage them in different activities, but still they sat there staring at the computer monitor. Starting to worry, I bought some new work books and tried to get them excited, found things I could do with them on pinterest, and made suggestions to help move them along in their regular imaginative play. But the imaginative play didn't come. My attempts were ignored, and the books sat on our shelves. No exaggeration, from the time they woke up until the time they went to bed they watched TV shows on that computer.

I began to lose faith in the child-led philosophy, in my own children, and in myself. I seriously questioned wether or not I had chosen the right path to go about their education, but I wasn't sure how to fix it. So we pushed on, and more vegetating took place.

Until yesterday. My four year old daughter woke up and instead of her usual first words of "Please can I have some breakfast?" she says to me "How do you spell 'Happy'?" So I began to tell her the letters, and started to reach for the computer. "What show do you want to watch first?" I asked her. "No shows." I was completely puzzled. She must be tired. But she was certain, she did not want to watch anything today. For the next two hours she wrote little notes and asked me how to spell word after word. Soon her big brother was following suit, and they grabbed some work sheets and buckled down with mazes, spelling, dot to dots and so forth.

I wondered if it was too good to be true, just a fluke. But today has been no different. My daughter has been initiating math problems, writing more notes, and figuring out puzzles. My son asked what a concentration camp is, is helping his sister with her self devised math questions, and doing his own math and reading, spelling and experimenting.

I know it can be challenging, and there are days that you will question the path that you have chosen. Trusting a philosophy that leaves so much room, our days open ended, can be scary. But believe me when I say to just go with it. More than three weeks of non stop cartoons and overstimulation, but finally it ended. There are no more agitated zombies in this house. We are awake, aware and learning.

Small Hiatus

As I'm sure many of you have noticed, this blog has gone by the wayside. I think we need a new edge!

Lately life has kept me busy, and I've been neglecting a lot of things. Due to a lack of time, I've decided to give many things up in favor of catching up. In the meantime, I'll be brainstorming a way to bring this baby back to life.

What do I need to catch up on?

Housework! That never-ending, all-consuming pile of laundry for instance.
Organizing. I feel like the least organized mother on the planet right now.
Planning. Life would be so much easier if I planned out crafts and activities the night/week before.
Cooking. Yep I said it. I can't tell you how many times we've opted for pizza just in the past month.

Maybe while I do this catching up, I'll be inspired to take some pictures along the way and share my journey with all of you. Until then, hug your family close and live passionately.

The Quirky Mamma.

It's Time to Sign.

I wasn't expecting to be as busy as I am. Call it naive, denial, or optimism but when the Cave Man was going back to college I thought everything would actually slow down while I stay home looking after our three wee ones. Man I was so wrong! Tiny Twirler is still going strong with baton classes, and Ape Boy started gymnastics last weekend. The library did not stop lending out books, friends did not suddenly become un-friends, and Wee Piglet started baby sign time!

Wait, baby what? That's pretty much the reaction I received when discussing my ventures with an friend via the world wide web. "I had no idea that babies could learn more than one language." He stated.

Well yes it is true! In fact, I know a couple who are raising their son spanish/english, and it's pretty endearing to hear him in his toddling little voice say "coche car!" or whatever the spanish word for car is, with the english word. Because everything in his world has two names. I am under the impression that infancy is the easiest and most beneficial time to teach multiple languages to a person.



There are many benefits to baby sign language. These include:

Less Tantrums
Did you know that the number one reason babies take to biting, is out of frustration? Baby sign language can really help ease that frustration. Most babies become frustrated when they are not understood. Think about how many times you see a toddler in a rage and the caregiver is standing there asking "Do you want a drink? Are you hungry? Is your diaper wet? Do you want the blue toy? The green one? Do you need a cuddle? Is it the book, do you want the book?!" All the while the toddler becomes more upset and the caregiver becomes more exasperated. It is not easy to learn how to form words when you're so new to the world. But all babies can move their bodies. Instead, picture a toddler getting upset, reaching up for the shelf with many different toys but they can't quite get close enough. The caregiver looks at the toddler, the toddler looks at the caregiver and signs "Cat." "Oh, you would like to play with the cat puppet? Here you go." No tantrums!

Promotes Literacy
Perhaps this part will come later, when a child is older. For many words, it is necessary to know the letter signs. On almost all signing video's and cards, you see a picture of the word, the letters to spell the word, the sign for the word, and you say the word when you point to it. This will by default associate the letters M-I-L-K with the word and sign for "Milk." Our sign instructor has a four year old who likes to test herself on her sign flash cards, and she has taught others who have even older children that use sign to spell out the words as a game. Baby sign tackles every learning style, with audio when you speak the word, visual through pictures, tactile (hands on) by using the motions and hand signals.

Fine and Gross Motor Skills
Just like throwing a ball or writing your name, sign language requires fine and gross motor skills. For example, the sign for "Baby" is putting your arms together like you are holding and rocking a baby; gross motor skills. The sign for "Bird" is using your index finger and thumb into a birds beak and opening and closing them beside your face. These skills are essential to a child's development.

Bonding Time
How many times have you been speaking to somebody, and it feels like they're not listening as they fiddle with this or that, and never make eye contact? With baby sign, we have to make that eye contact. As a caregiver of a signing baby, we're required to be more attentive. This also develops communication skills with the child as they grow older, because they learn how important it is to make that connection. It takes time and practice to teach an infant six months or older how to do sign language.

It's FUN!
Alright I admit, the first few times I've done baby sign language around other people I felt a bit like a dork. Some of the signs just feel plain silly and being new to sign was akin to being in a foreign country. Behind the scenes? We rock out to our Sign Out Loud video and C.D. Wee Piglets siblings ask to watch that video on a daily basis, and you can see how proud of themselves they are once they've mastered the signs and move on to mastering the words to every song. There is also nothing quite like that first time that your baby signs to you. "She's trying to tell me something, I just know it!" Our babies are complex little beings full of wonder and questions and excitement. Baby sign gives them a way to express all of that.

At first, I didn't really think Wee Piglet was understanding. Everything became "Milk." He would point at the dog and sign milk, Daddy was milk, the window was milk. After just two classes and two weeks of doing signs at every opportunity, along with the video, Wee Piglet has begun to understand. Today he signed "Hurt" when he bumped his little noggin in his clumsy toddler way, he signed "More" when he was watching the video, and not only did he sign "Water" but he said it, too! Coming from a baby who isn't really trying to talk much yet, this seems like it can only be a great thing. I definately recommend it to all parents, new or otherwise and with children of any age.

Sign Out Loud