Some time ago, I mentioned that I was neglecting my blog and that I would need to make some changes. The truth is, I just wasn't feeling it anymore. I had been uninspired for some time. But now I have news to share with you, and have found a direction at last. Maybe this is just what I needed, and in that way of thinking my announcement could be viewed as positive...
I have recently become a single Mother. By recently, I mean last week. And the man slumbers on the couch, with nowhere to go.
I am choosing to take this time of desperate seperation to heal. I have been carrying many wounds for many years. It is time to self-love in every sense of the word. I tend to bury myself beneath others and their needs. Wether you believe in it or not, I am a typical pisces. I shape myself to fit the expectations of others. No more. It is time to find myself under all of these layers that I have created.
In my journey of self-love and healing, I have picked up a book from my shelves that had been sitting here for a long time. I tried to read it once before, but felt as though it didn't apply to my life. I connect with Choosing Me before We by Christine Arylo now more than ever. At the end of each chaper she asks questions of the reader to answer. I won't describe the questions here without Christine Arylo's personal permission but I can reveal in part my own answers. Perhaps you can relate.
One of the things that I realized while reading the self reflection answers at the end of chapter one, is that I am not present within myself, for myself - and also for my children. For too long I have been consumed with fixing a dead relationship and trying to appeal to a man who was gone before he left. In this way, I have not been all that I can for my children.
Knowing this also reminds me that while I will give my children one hundred percent, I deserve the same treatment from myself. For as Christine Arylo puts it, "All our relationships begin with ME."
This is going to be a long journey full of creativity and fun. I can just feel it! No longer will I put off my aspirations for the sake of others. In ending one relationship I am beginning another - the one with myself. There is an entire person that needs to be explored. What better time to do so than right now?